By Cory, I'm hallucinating. I just thought I saw Sojo, and then all of a sudden she disappeared and...

Am I going mad?

It hurts all over again. It breaks my heart all over again. It keeps on stabbing me in the back when my mind wanders away from it. It keeps reminding me that I wasn't good enough.

It keeps on reminding me that there are people out there who didn't make the mistakes that I made. There are people out there that are living the life that I dreamed of with me and him. There are people out there who make me remember the painful memories, and cry over them.

There are people out there who I just want to hit so bad for showing me what I left behind.

**There are a few punctured spots in this page as if Ermin stabbed at the pages, even though her attitude seemed calm throughout the entry**

Well, I've been dozing for quite a bit. I guess I got tired out by all these raids. Talking of which, there was one just now in Milltown. All those crows from the farm...it makes me shudder just to think about it.

I haven't heard from Skye in a while. I hope her leg has healed - it would be terrible if she had something like a limp for the rest of her life....all because Trip and Ryann bickered.

Talking of Ryann, I haven't heard from him in a while either. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about him at the moment. I certainly don't approve of him for stalking Skye....

Well, my mind's all messed up right now. I'll write soon.

Ermin

So many raids...there was a raid just now in Dundee. Fortunately, there was only one demon, and a young adventurer was able to kill it off. It's worrying, though.

Recently, I helped Tusonee, Elliottina, Elly, Pallas, Arya, Melody and a few others get rid of Ant Larvae, on the Queen's orders. Elly suggested searching for more after we had killed the first batch of them, even though Tus said they had scouted around and had come to the conclusion that the report was exaggerated. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay around long enough to help them out a bit more.

Oh, but my scar - it bled last night. I don't know why. It's a scar - scars shouldn't bleed, should they? I guess it's because I've been irritating it so much.

I'm slowly getting over the pain of a few days ago - but I'll never completely give him up. I'm ashamed that I can't even bear to write his name in here anymore.

Ermin

I can't seem to leave everything be - all these things cluttered in my mind. I have to gather them all up and get used to life at Valorn again. I really need to do this. And you don't know how much writing in you is helping me to cope with this.

There haven't been any raids, and I've taken a quick rest. I'll probably take a longer one after I know that everything is okay. The scar below my shoulder is throbbing and stinging, and there is nothing I can do about it. It's like a mother, telling me to wake up when I'm in my sweetest dreams, making me anticipate the worst when all I want to do is relax. Is there such things as a demon's blade that can create a cursed scar? No...no, I don't think so.

And what's more to add to my worries, is the fact that I still have feelings for Trip. I still love him - I really do. I thought we might be able to sort things out a bit more while we were at the Swashbuckler, but...what was I thinking? We are friends - good friends now - but that's not what I want. All I want is for things to go back to what they were before. Can you understand that, my dear journal?

A scar that stings, raids that make me feel wan and a man that I cannot retrieve my heart from. I still feel tired - Trip asked me if I was okay, and he was a bit suspicious of me afterwards - and I still feel as if I'll fall to pieces at the next raid. I feel a bit better, I must admit, but...

Who would have thought so many things would happen to me after only a few days of being back in Valorn? I want to write more, but there's something that I can't put into words...something...but what is that something?

Ermin

Just a quick note:

I am sitting in the Swashbuckler's with an undrunk lemonade and a sweaty staff. I've been waiting here for a long while, waiting for the announcement of another raid. When Trip was here, the atmosphere was tense with waiting - we both knew that another raid could come at any moment. I feel tired and everywhere is aching, and I'm itching to take my armour off. I still haven't fallen back into fighting yet, and I feel weak and vulnerable.

Recently, the Crier said all was well. But was he right? Or is he?

Ermin

I'm writing this after a chain of raids, feeling drained-out, yet happy. The reason? I killed a demon and found an invasion ingot and a WP. I was so shocked when I found the latter - I thought it couldn't be true. I attempted to put it into my bank, but Kendle firmly refused, saying that I have lost my Noble title, and who do I think I am?

But, yes, I'm tired - and the scar on my shoulder is throbbing rather painfully. Isn't it odd how it stings more than the scar across my head? Especially since I bust the latter open upon a rock. It's odd, indeed.

Trip has warned me that the Crier has been wrong before, so I remain in my armour. Azure is assigning people to different places, yet I have this sinking feeling that she won't choose me. I don't know why, but...

It's odd how all this drove something out of my mind - and that something is that Trip and I made up, though we aren't together anymore. It feels good, but everything seems to end bitterly with all these raids.

Ermin

I woke up after a restless night in the inn, and I find that I have earned a new scar, just below my shoulder. It will serve as a memory of that day - that horrid day...how many raids were there? Too many. And I fell as I struggled to help protect...Caernivale or Branishor? I can't remember - but my arm still hurts.

I cleaned around the cut, and I tried cleaning my beautiful bunny clothing too. It's got a rip there, but I don't want to change my clothing. I don't know - I'm just too comfortable with it. And it has certain memories that I treasure.

The pansy tied to my hat is wilting and dying, but I won't throw it away. Like my clothing, it has the most beautiful memory I could ever ask for.

Home.

Something I thought had disappeared along with my happiness. But they're both come back - but has the latter?

That's what I ask myself everytime I think of Trip's impassive face swimming before my eyes.

Ermin

Emotional Ermin coming through.

I've been such an idiot - I pretty much 'sniped', quoting the victim, Trip after he quite bluntly told me that he had given me up. After I had told myself all these summers that if it ever came to that, I would just give him a smile and get on with my life.

But then again, I was a crazy girl, wasn't I? I devoted myself to him, never knowing what the consequences would be. I should have tried distancing myself - maybe then I wouldn't have been so hurt.

And he didn't even seem to care about how I felt. To me, it was more like he was concerned about Skye, when it was me who he was crushing to pieces. But I'm not going to let this ruin my return to Valorn.

Though I must say - my best friend and the sister of my heart with my former lover? A beautiful couple, don't you think?

Ermin

I don't get it. I just don't get it. It was wonderful to get all the notes from my friends again, but...

But to get one from Ryann telling me that Trip fell in love with...with my best friend? With the sister of my heart? Sure, I might hate Ryann, but...would he lie to me?

I feel sort of hollow inside. I didn't think Trip would betray me like that, especially after he gave me this ring. Yet I don't have the heart to take it off and banish it from my life.

I snuck a look at Ryann's diary as well (do you know he's changed it? It looks terrible), and...Skye said she liked Trip? And Trip boasted about that to Ryann?

What happened to me, Trip? What happened to me?

**the journal seems to have been slammed shut**

Dear Journal,

Can I be even more ecstatic? I'm back! It's just so wonderful, breathing in the air of Valorn once more. I can't wait to see Trip, Skye, my sisters...oh everyone!

But then again, they'll probably crush me to little bits, you know. I left without a single word. Yes, they'll crush me to little bits until they're satisfied. Looks like my time off gave me a grotesque mind.

It's confusing though, seeing all these people that I don't recognise in the familiar streets of Dundee. But I'll get to know them soon enough.

Right?

~Ermin